more angst

As I have given you number two I thought I had better show number one. I thought I had gone past all this, but here I am again, seems worse for having thought it had gone away and of course some new horrid things going on. Well keep drinking the herb tea and eating flip biscuits.

Teenage Angst Poem in Forties I

So here I am
I walk alone
Always?
Encased in privet and blackthorn
and the smell of urine in a hidden corner
on the path
Oh how I feel the teenage angst starting to type across my mind.
I should know better
No it’s worse
(a heart shaped stone on the path
ignore it)
I now know how deep splitting brittle
the ache is
how long it lingers
An eternity of a finite life
Lonely
Untouched
Unintimate
Cold barren unlife bearing
the sure knowledge of it
now that I’m older.
Now that I’m older
I’d rather have some Champagne
than eat an ice-cream (to distract myself)
But I did try the
Ice
Cream
First.
You have to, don’t you?

A dished stone, large
plus a palm size stone
and I sit on the pebble beach
and grind and grind
my heart to fine dust.
Wonder if it’ll glitter in the day’s deep blue sky
as it flies?
Will I go and swim with 2 boys, a man, 3 dogs and a cormorant?

2 dolphins slice
over and under
over and under
I go into clear water
to swim.
If they can I can.

Lately
I’ve been standing
on cliff edges a lot
looking into clear water
there's so much to see